Apple Reinvents the toilet with iToilet

Apple today introduced the long rumoured iToilet, combining two products, a revolutionary toilet, and an internet communications device.
Tim Cook showcased the device today in San Francisco, and the attending audience were transfixed as Tim demonstrated the magnificence of the iToliet live. Tim even pooped live on stage, trying to emphasise to the engrossed audience just how innovative this device is.

Apple have long had a yearning to bring a certain amount of excitement to excretion, and they may finally have developed the immaculate device.
Sophistication of this magnitude has never been seen in a toilet before; Apple are hoping this is their next breakthrough product.
Apple have said the iToilet is invented to enhance our experience of pooping. Apple believe current toilets are cumbersome, and inelegant and consequently make pooping a detestable experience.
They’re intending to make pooping a gratifying, enjoyable experience and believe this is just the device to make that possible.

The iToliet exemplifies everything Apple are about: Making a device you currently are repelled by, and turning it into something that you are enchanted with.
Some people again will accuse Apple of imitation but never before have we seen a toilet with such elegance, comfort and sophistication.
As usual Apple have one again created a frenzy with a product introduction, and many people have expressed their enthusiasm for this device.

Pat Baker enthused about the device: “This is everything I’ve ever wanted, I’ve kind of been embarrassed to suggest to companies to invent such a product, but I’ve been repelled by current toilets for years. They make the experience of pooping such a predicament.”

John Adams expressed his delight at the introduction: “The toilet industry was ripe for an innovation like this, most toilets today are mundane and lack excitement. Apple have made toilets enticing and I look forward to excreting in the iToilet immensely.”

After the event we spoke to Apple’s head of design Jonathan Ive, he shared some intriguing insight with us:

Jony Ive senior industrial designer said: “You can imagine the tremendous difficulty designing a device like this, we had to closely inspect, have an obsessiveness to every detail, and make sure the comfortableness of the device was impeccable.

“A big part of the experience of a physical object has to do with the materials, we of course wanted the toilet to be extremely intuitive, but we also wanted an elegance and make the device approachable. So when you look at the toilet you’re totally mesmerised by it and just have a strong desire to poop. We believe we’ve accomplished this.”

“We were very diligent when it came to the intrusion of the poop into the toilet. We thought extensively about this and we came up with an innovative process. When the poop enters the toilet it transforms into an innocuous material, one that won’t disgust you. We then came up with an intelligent way of expunging that horrible smell from the waste, when the poop enters the toilet, the odours are automatically eradicated by a process we call “operation transformation” We then transform this intolerable odour into a fragrant substance.
It’s magical and revolutionary.”

“Probably the most innovative thing in the device is its iPoop camera. Every time you defecate, iToilet automatically snaps a photo of your waste and sends it off to a research facility. This will have profound effect on the research of poop.
Our device also has an intelligent sensor that analyses the size, shape and texture of your poop. If your poop is healthy a green light will flash on your armrest. If it’s unhealthy a red light will flash, and will automatically provide you with suggestions on how to ameliorate your poop.
iToilets built-in proximity sensor detects when you poop into the toilet and immediately prompts a sheet of glass to slide out to prevent annoying splashes from occurring.
This once again shows our care, our obsessive attention to detail.
We vehemently believe this device will change toilets forever, and this is just the beginning.”

The iToilet is set to go on sale in early April, and Apple expect a high demand for this device. They’ve said they expect this device to surpass the iPhone as their best selling device.
Apple’s stock also rose at an exponential rate this evening shortly after the news.
Stock Analyst Mark Badam said: “This is the really the first breakthrough device Apple have announced since Steve’s passing. Evidently the announcement has encouraged investors, and they believe this cements Apple’s position as the most innovative company in the world. Apple have dispelled the pessimism surrounding their future with this new product and subsequently their Stock has ascended.”

That concludes our coverage of this announcement, it will be interesting to see just how successful this device is. One thing is for certain: Apple have changed toilets forever.

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